Tim Goldich


Tim Goldich, author and men’s work facilitator, has devoted the last 25 years to researching, pondering over and refining viewpoints regarding gender issues.


Tim Goldich - Xamry F


But despite all the hateful feminist rhetoric, Xamry F contemplates a world without men and, in place of a “serene garden paradise,” she sees instead a nightmare world

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“Arrows” #4: The Donner Party

The Donner Party - Tim Goldich

Now and then, throughout my book, I dig deep into emotion. Now and then I stop to ponder “arrows.”
“Arrows” come in many forms and fly in all directions. Everyone’s a target. Some “arrows” irk and
sting like pinpricks. Some enrage and embitter like spears through the heart. “Arrows” are insults heard in
conversation, in jokes, and in the media; or seen in writing and cultural imagery; or experienced in the
form of attitudes, laws, and policies. Because logic by itself has never proven effective against the
Male Power/Female Victimization paradigm, I’ve added these “arrows” essays as a means of adding a
purely emotional component to my overall argument.

Many years ago I watched a documentary on the Donner Party, an ill-fated group of pioneers headed
across country to settle in the old west. The historian David McCullough narrates with his usual
mesmerizing ease. But when the camera focused upon him, there was a recurring theme to his
commentary. 1 It was an “arrow” that pierced me over and over again.

Of the 81 members comprising the Donner Party—15 women, 25 men and 41 children—22 of the
men perished while all but 5 of the women endured. In relaying these facts—and in what I regarded to be
a rather smug, self-satisfied manner—McCullough invited the viewer to join with him in admiring the
greater apparent strength and resilience of the women who managed to survive as compared with the
apparently weak and relatively frail men who, under identical conditions, mostly all died off. If those are
the facts of the matter, then why didn’t I take my medicine like a man? Because, contained within the
documentary itself was evidence enough to suggest that the men had essentially sacrificed themselves so that the women and children might live. For additional background, among other sources, I read George R. Stewart’s classic, Ordeal By Hunger. 2

The ordeal began in May of 1846 with the endless trek across the Great Plains. The men walked plying
the whips that kept the oxen moving. “Driving oxen was man’s work. The women sat in the front seats of
the wagons knitting.” 3 What Stewart’s book makes clear is that all the work, all the physically arduous
work, was “man’s work.”

With no road to travel on, the men had to build their own. “It was exhausting . . . the unceasing labor
rapidly wore them down both in body and in temper.” 4 Both the book and the documentary describe
endless campaigns through intractable stretches of wilderness: “they struggled as if still in the nightmare, to open about six miles of road, cutting timber and hacking through brush, digging down side-hill, rolling out boulders, and leveling for creek-crossings.” 5 And from the documentary: “Time and again the hostile terrain brought them to a standstill while the men cursed and toiled and hacked a road through the dense undergrowth.” They hacked their way through dense thickets, pulled wagons sunk up to their axles in mud, hauled heavily laden wagons up embankments with block and tackle, and cut down trees with axes; this they did hour after hour, day after day, week after week for months on end. Men cut timber to mend the wagons and replace broken axles. On one such occasion, “a chisel slipped, and the blood spurted from a long gash across the back of 62-year-old George Donner’s hand.

It was bound up, and he made light of it; there were other things, he said, more to be worried about than a cut hand.” 6 We don’t know the half of men’s sufferings because men make “light” of them and keep their vulnerability hidden. All bravado notwithstanding, before the advent of antibiotics, cuts of this kind
frequently led to infections that resulted in amputation and/or death.

By October, six of those who would comprise the Donner Party had died. Not surprisingly, all but
one was male. The 81 remaining travellers made it as far as the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains
when they were trapped by record snowfall. With hands numbed by the cold, men labored for hours to cut firewood, suffering frostbite, while women and children stayed warm burning the firewood inside their makeshift camp.

It was men who undertook the nearly hopeless efforts to cross the snow-covered mountains on foot
in order to seek and bring back help. Many died in the effort while others, thwarted by impossible
conditions, hobbled back to camp nine-tenths dead. For the rare man who made it all the way to
California and safety, “Honor, no less than love, demanded his return, for no man could have held up his head in the West of those days who had left his wife and child and was not ready to risk his life to bring
them out.” 7 And this they did. Men are, and have always been, honor bound. The bindings of honor are, in their own way, as real as bindings of rope. In not complaining but making light of his pain and suffering,
a man is effectively bound and gagged.

Because his family was starving, William Eddy was given a little coffee. “This he prepared in a hot
spring and gave to Eleanor and the children, stubbornly refusing to keep any of the scanty supply for
himself. It was sufficient joy to see the children revive.” 8 Later: “Eddy had not eaten for forty-eight hours.

Eleanor was almost as badly off, and even the babies had had nothing but the sugar and some coffee since leaving the sink.” 9 If they shared food equally, then why was his wife Eleanor almost as badly off?
In life and death situations, the children come first. Whatever’s left goes to the women, and if there’s
anything left after that, it goes to the men. Just as the men of the Titanic sacrificed themselves so that
most of the women and children could survive, evidence suggests that the same basic principle held sway within the equally mortal dangers faced by the Donner Party.

Nevertheless, reverence for the women reverberates throughout the documentary. “Somehow,
Margaret Reid had managed to keep all her children alive. So had Peggy Breen and Tamsen Donner.”
Somehow? I don’t believe in magic. Pure female superiority alone could not keep children from starving.
Consumption of calories must have had something to do with it. And why no such reverence toward the
men who had miraculously kept the women and children alive? How about the two men who had earlier
rode on ahead, crossed the mountains and returned with other men and seven mules bearing food?
Only when conditions became utterly desperate did women join with men in attempting to cross the
mountains on foot. The “Forlorn Hope,” as they called themselves, consisted of nine men, one boy of 12
and five women. In the aftermath, “Only 2 of the 10 men had made it through. All five women had
survived.” In this way the viewer is led over and over again to conclude that the women were stronger
than the men. But didn’t this documentary just get through making it clear that the women survived by
eating the men who died? A little later we’re told that: “Two thirds of the women and children made it
through. Two thirds of the men perished.”

The documentary is relentless on the matter, and, without further explanation, what else can the
viewer conclude but that the women survived out of superior female strength while the men died owing to inferior male weakness? I guess we are to believe that even children are stronger than men.

But what really happened?

A more recent (2003) Discovery Channel documentary 10 shed light on the matter by exposing two
men to the same conditions that the Donner Party had endured. To glean more detailed information, the
men had scientific instruments attached to them, and their exertion, heat loss, and calories burned were
measured. “And from that [data] we can estimate how long they would have until they starved.” 11
The Discovery Channel documentary makes no mention of the ratio of dying men/surviving women
with which McCullough seems obsessed. How could it? Having established the connection between
exposure/exertion/calorie burn and starvation, mention of the much higher male mortality rate would have made the male sacrifice much too obvious to pass the gates of political correctness.
If the Donner men even allowed themselves an equal portion of food throughout the ordeal (rather
than chivalrously refusing even that much), then with their larger size and muscle mass, the men would,
of course, tend to starve faster than the women. Additionally, men’s bodies burned precious extra calories to stave off the freezing cold they were more often subjected to. And men exhausted their fuel burning countless thousands of calories in gruelling unceasing labor.

There is no mystery why more men than women died of injury, exposure, and starvation. Even in dying, the men’s bodies provided sustenance the women and children could feed upon. Despite
McCullough’s insinuations, the men did not die of male inadequacy. They died of heroism. The women
did not survive out of female superiority. They survived out of chivalry.

In arguing that It All Balances Out, there are more than just facts to consider. There is also the emotional
component. Whatever monopoly feminists may presume to have on feelings of moral outrage, I can
assure you that aware men can match those feelings note for note.

As I watched, I felt like reaching right through the TV screen and choking that smug feminist male to
death. With what that historian knew of the whole story, how dare he cast women in the light of strong
heroic survivors and men in the light of inadequate, dying weaklings?

But my rage extends beyond the neutered academics who champion the FEMale chauvINIST party
line. I admit to being angry with the feminists themselves. Their self-righteous rhetoric is omnipresent in
our world and is, after all, the source of the misandry that surrounds us. It is feminist ideology that has
created a cultural environment where the knee-jerk impulse to flatter the female and shame the male is
expressed automatically. I very much doubt that McCullough and company harbored any anti-male
agenda. Nevertheless, whatever their intentions may have been, media injustice like this is torture to
endure, and it is everywhere!

I can’t begin to convey the wounding of such staggering injustice toward my kind. It disgusts me. It
is evil. Even when men are taking on the very worst of it, even when they are shielding women to the
point of sacrificing their very lives, it is still against some absolute law of political correctness to say
anything positive about males, ever.

Disparaging male toughness, strength, and courage cuts men to their core. It was to maintain their
masculine image that those men took on extra hazards and hardships. In return, men ask only for fair
acknowledgment, but we will not give it to them.

To add further insult to injury, there is the wound that comes of fighting an uphill battle against those
(both female and male) who would suppress this very writing. It is all well and good for a man to writhe
in agony over the cruelty of such injustice, but god forbid a woman should suffer the slight upset that may come from reading about it. To be an aware male is to suffer outrage upon outrage!

One of the reasons we so concern ourselves with women’s vulnerable emotions is that we know
women have vulnerable emotions. We know this because women make no effort to hide those vulnerable
emotions. Upsetting a woman results in an emotional outburst, tears and tirades that leave men puddles of shame.

I took a break from writing this essay long enough to walk over to the local Osco drug store. While
in line I saw on the cover of Us Weekly (February 16, 2009) a number of phrases in bold lettering:
“Jessica’s Agony: Bullied for her weight: Her rage over ‘fat’ insults: How she’s tortured by food.” Singer
Jessica Simpson has gained weight recently and has no trouble expressing her vulnerable emotions. The
Sisterhood is a unified force (a matrisensus). Insult one woman and all women respond with their outrage.

Insult a woman, and there is hell to pay!

One of the reasons we concern ourselves so little with men’s vulnerable emotions is that we don’t
fully embrace the truth that men have vulnerable emotions. And that’s largely because men make every
effort to hide those vulnerable emotions. Part of the point of these “Arrows” interludes is simply to reveal
my own male vulnerability. I cannot ask men to show their vulnerability if I’m not willing to risk ridicule
and do the same.

I am a logical man. I do not vent just to be self-indulgent. Everything is written to make a point. And
the point, ultimately, is always the same: It All Balances Out. Men are loath to express the kinds of
feelings I’m expressing. While emotional reveal of this kind is everywhere expressed within the feminist
literature, the male equivalent is largely missing. The illusion is thus maintained that only women suffer
this kind of sexist torment. That’s wrong. But the only way to prove it wrong is for men to express their
true hurt and pain.


  1. The American Experience: The Donner Party, WGBG Educational Foundation, WNET/Thirteen and Steeplechase Films,
    (1992), Directed by Ric Burns, PBS Paramount, DVD video. Note: When I saw this Ric Burns documentary on TV, it was
    presented as an episode of The American Experience. As such, short sequences hosted by David McCullough were filmed to
    introduce the documentary and integrate it into the series. These added sequences increased the number of references to women
    characterized as strong survivors as compared to the weak dying men. These inserts are not included in the DVD version cited
  2. Stewart, George R., Ordeal By Hunger: The Classic Story of the Donner Party (New York: Pocket Book edition, 1971)
  3. Ibid., pp.8-9.
  4. Ibid., p.26.
  5. Ibid., p.29.
  6. Ibid., p.67.
  7. Ibid., p.77.
  8. Ibid., p.59.
  9. Ibid., p.61.
  10. Unsolved History: Donner Party. Produced by Termite Productions for the Discovery Channel, Discovery Communications, Inc., 2003.
  11. Ibid., Pottgen, Paul, a representative from LifeCheck Corp.